'AVE IT!
Reports
Leicester Tournament 2005
4th September 2005
St Margaret’s Pasture, Leicester
Leicester. A city conquered by the Romans and the Normans, and now the Leftfooters. As we gathered at St.Pancras station on Saturday morning, little did anyone realise what seismic events would happen during the weekend. There was mostly just the usual small talk: why wasn't Richy there yet? Which of the two servers at the coffee stall was the cutest? When would Barney have his nervous breakdown from organising the trip?
The trip up on the train was mostly uneventful. We commandeered a carriage
towards the front of the train and pulled the three Leftfooters teams
out of the hat. Around midday we all piled off the train at Leicester,
apart from Scott's bag which decided to stay on the train to explore
Nottingham that afternoon. Like moths to a lightbulb (or gays to a discoball)
we were drawn immediately to the Ibis hotel, our official residence
when in Leicester.
No time to waste - an England game beckoned. After a few of us had
put some
stupid bets on the game (why on earth did I ever think that team could
score three goals?), we settled down to watch the game in a very nice
bar called the Squares behind Leicester's market. We nabbed the best
seats in the house and started to imbibe cheap lager, as Chris Simon
would have wanted us to if he hadn't been dragged to Cardiff for some
reason. I think there were about 15 or 20 of us, including some guys
from Yorkshire and Leicester, by the end of the game. To be honest,
all I can remember from the game was that (a) virtually every England
player had a crap game, and (b) bars in Leicester let boys drink underage.
I don't think either fact really upset anyone though. By about 6pm,
I realised I was still drinking on my own and all the other Leftfooters
had left. Welcome to the weekend.
In the evening we split up into two groups, Barney and a few other searching for a decent game of Bingo (in vain we found out later) and a few of us going to Bella Italia where I attempted to sober up. Then off to the new expanded Quebec bar, the sponsors of the tournament. The draw for the tournament confused everybody. There were two groups of six teams (one later reduced to five), with Leftfooters 1 in Group 1, and Leftfooters 2 and 3 teams in Group 2. More than that, the Quebec was pretty awful, very little atmosphere, and was empty apart from the footballers even at midnight. I think some people headed on to Streetlife and others to the Dover Castle, but the verdict seems to be that there are too many bars chasing too few gays in Leicester at the moment.
So to Sunday. The signs throughout the morning were ominous. Lenny's
car broke down between Manchester and Leicester, meaning that only Leftfooters
1
had any substitute players. Fortunately, Scouser John had a couple of
mates up in Leicester that weekend and managed to persuade them to play
for us (well done to Minge W*nker and another bloke whose name I've
forgotten). Gay Dave also brought up his friend Paul from London, enabling
each of the Leftfooters teams to have one sub.
The tournament was organised around the two top teams from each of the groups going through to semi-finals. Leftfooters 1 (Thierry, John, Scott, Chris S, Ian, Kev & Mikey) huffed and puffed but couldn't find a goal all day losing 0-2, 0-1, 0-1, 0-1 getting their only point against debutants Birmingham (0-0) to take the familiar wooden spoon of the group.
Leftfooters 2 (Gay Dave, Oli, me, James, Paul, Barney and Michael E)
managed
to pass the ball around beautifully. No, really, we did. All the other
teams kept saying it, it's true. Our results from the group stage were
0-0, 0-0, 3-0 (English, Bingo and Hayes), 0-0 and 0-0, but I don't think
that reflected just how much we were on top of the games. Sometimes
the football was so beautiful it made me cry (although that might just
have been me kicking the Astroturf instead of the ball during the game
against Yorkshire).
Leftfooters 3 (Pete, Haffi, Richy, Mark, Rob, Trev and W*nker) had a stunning set of results: 0-0, 0-0, 0-0, 0-0 and 0-0 (final game against Leftfooters 2). The lack of goals is probably because the pitches were so big but the goals were only 5-a-side. I think the 3-0 victory by Leftfooters 2 was the highest scoring game of the tournament.
And so, Leftfooters 2 squeezed past Leftfooters 3 to get into the semi-finals, where we played Leicester Blue team, the tournament favourites. Not a lot to say, really. We passed the ball like we had done for all the group games, and I don't think Leicester really got a sniff of goal, I think a couple of corners and that was it. Extra time, still no goals, so we head to penalties!!! With Oli in goal, Leicester put their first two spot kicks wide. Barney and Paul converted, with James's penalty just going over the bar. Leicester then converted a couple of penalties, leaving Gay Dave with the last spot kick (OK, I can't remember all the details, it got a bit hazy then). He hammered it home, powering Leftfooters into the final.
In the final, Leftfooters 2 faced Brighton, who I think won the competition the previous year. Again, Leftfooters 2 played a very tight game and had the much better chances, with Paul doing an amazing dribble past three Brighton players only to miss the goal narrowly. Again, extra time beckoned, and the crowds gathered back from the showers to see the strange spectacle of a Leftfooters team utterly dominating the final.
Again, the game went to penalties. I can't remember much, apart from
Thierry
giving Oli advice to "make himself big" and to watch the shots
on the ground. Oli managed both superbly, saving two of the Brighton
penalties. To be honest, I can't remember who scored the winning penalty
for Leftfooters, it was Michael I think - but the crowd went absolutely
wild.
Just to emphasise, this is Leftfooters first ever competition win, and I'm proud that it was done in the Leftfooters way. Teams were drawn from the hat, and partying came before the football. Even Gay Dave had been out clubbing until 8am on the previous night.
By the time we'd finished celebrating on the pitch (has anyone got any photos?), the changing rooms had closed, and it was a mad dash to the Quebec for the post-competition buffet and collection of medals and the all important cup. And yes, we sang the Leftfooters song until the rest of the bar cringed.
The train journey back was quickened by imbibing two bottles of Cava, livening up the so-called "quiet coach" on the train back to St. Pancras. Off to the Black Cap wearing our winners medals, where Jimmy, true to his word, gave us a couple of bottles of champagne in recognition of our historic victory. The trophy now takes pride of place behind the bar.
Well done to everybody, especially Barney for organising. The trophy
was won
by *all* Leftfooters, and it means so much to me that we won the tournament
by doing things the Leftfooters way. For all those who keep asking why
we
don't ever pick our best team, I think this weekend answered the question
-
all Leftfooters felt part of the victory. It means ten times as much
to win a competition the way we did, even if it means we only win once
every ten years.
Mike H