'AVE IT!
Reports
FRIENDLY: London Titans v Leftfooters
Saturday 11th February 2006
Old Deer Park, Richmond - 'London'
For the first time in ages I woke up going to a Leftfooters match not hung over in order to make up the balance I injected heroin into my head and then I set off with Pete and Theo to Waterloo Station to meet the rest of our fellow footers for this derby match. After watching the A-Team on UK TV Gold that morning I kept saying in mind over and over again ‘I ain’t going to no South London fool’ but the heroin seemed to help. We meet in Reef bar and proceeded to the train to present Richie with a Barbie birthday card (the shop had run out of Gandalf tea bagging Frodo cards). We walked to Old Deer Park from the station and changed quickly for our new warm up routine which I think will be the established one from now on. We got into a circle (without a biscuit in sight) and clapped to each other in rhythm, (the last time I had the clap it didn’t feel this good or right) I can’t really explain it except for the fact we proceeded to keep doing it in the club later that night. We then did the oaky coky (sp?) I never realised how bloody long this song actually was! We followed this with the Leftfooters song and it was nearly time to go home. However we then realised we still needed to play the match we started 4-4-2 with Thierry in goal, Dr Hayes and Gianni in central defence, Richie and Mark at full back, Myself and Dan on right and left wing respectively with Gary and Pete 'one wash' Clifford in central midfield and Gay Czar and Anthony ‘Man of the Match’ Hadley up front.
The singing and clapping seemed to inspire us as we took the lead from a Gay Czar free kick almost immediately a shot that went over the keepers head and into the back of the net. 1-0. We then got another from Dan on the left who hit a shot and it went in (you should of probably guessed at this point that my recollection of the first half is hazy and confused I am not too sure if I even have these goals in the right order). We played superbly in the first half dominated possession; passed well, defended well it all seemed to come together. We even had Mark trying to be all butch with some handbags with their cute but temperamental 15. Papa can you hear me. Half Time 2 – 0 up the Czar made some changes, forgive me if I don’t get this exactly right, Lenny on for Gianni in the centre, Chris S and Theo in the centre for Gary and Pete, Chris B and Trev on wings for me and Dan and Haffi and Baby Dave for Gayczar and Anthony Man of the Match Hadley upfront. Hey I did get it right sod any of you for thinking otherwise. Much like the first half we were dominant in possession and the only threat came when they changed from 4-5-1 to a 4-4-2 giving them more options up front. Richie for one was pleased to have a good right winger in Trev in front of him as opposed to me in the first half (Bitch!). The very same Trevor West scored two goals in the second half one lovely chip over the keeper to make it 3-0 and a header (yes a header!!) from a corner which glanced in at the back post. Chants of Go West could be heard from the touch line although this could have been from the Pet Shop Boy’s cover band looking for a gig round Old Deer Park. Apparently their coach was shouting at them not to allow us to intimidate them off the ball Richie was both puzzled and confused that we could be considered a ‘hard team’ still they play Brighton next week so good luck to them. Final Score 4 – 0 and much celebration all round after the previous weeks result. Time to go to the pub and watch England scrape through against Italy and cheer on Middlesbrough result against Chelsea.
The buffet at the Richmond Arms was great despite not being able to identify all the food on offer and I think Ron the Ref was still have long conversations with their players about different decisions. At this point I made a drastic decision I would go to Reflex in Kingston that night with the Titans with the assurances of GayCzar that a 75 night bus would get me back to Putney (although I live in Highgate) I got a ticket from their manager Craig then went back with Kev to Richie’s for a Chinese………meal. There we recuperated and laughed at that ugly fat bitch who introduces the Winter Olympics. Trev and Lenny joined us and after opening up the champagne that Richie had from his father and after all agreeing that we don’t actually like champagne we moved on to the train station and arrived in the magical city of Norbiton. Myself and Richie wore our Leftfooters tops as Craig informed us we could get in free and indeed they did allow us in with no charge it was then we realised that it was Valentines night and the reason we got in free was not because we wearing Leftfooters tops but because we were wearing red. This made us feel like dick heads. However not as bigger dick heads as the women who kept on screaming every time a balloon burst in the bar upstairs. There not used to such excitement in Norbiton, bless. We proceeded to get drunk with the help of tequila and vodka with the Titans. Nothing sexual happened for any of us as far as I am aware the only point of note beyond the dancing was that I gave Lenny a wedgey on stage. Beautiful. At around 2:30am we left getting a cab back to Clapham for me and Dr Hayes to take a couple of night buses home. I was worried slightly when the cabbie turned round to us said ‘In my country I am education minister, Clapham High Street is that in Bedford, yes?’ he gave Kev his number so expect a budding romance between Kev and a moronic cabbie to blossom soon. All will be revealed in Tepid.
Thanks to the Titans for a good weekend it was good to see Rob again and hopefully we can play them again in the league next season. I love a good derby.
Oli